Steven Goes to Taco Bell
by Starcharter-75
Summary: Steven and Amethyst go to a Taco Bell restaurant, not knowing of the danger present inside. (Parody of, and partially based on, the infamous Gravity Falls fanfic Dipper Goes to Taco Bell)
1. Steven Goes to Taco Bell

_In the darkness of night, within the forests on the outskirts of Beach City wander two small figures; the figures of Steven and Amethyst._

Steven: Why are we going so far out of our way to reach this place?

Amethyst: Because, I felt like eating something different tonight, and I wanted to take you with me. Also, I've had this strange craving for Mexican food since last week; I don't know wh-

_Amethyst points upward._

Amethyst: Look, there it is!

_On top of a small hill stands a Taco Bell restaurant, which is still open even this late at night. Steven and Amethyst scamper up the hill into the fast-food chain, which is not surprisingly empty. They approach the counter._

Steven: Hi, I'd like to order-

Cashier: WE ONLY SELL TACOS!

Steven: Then I guess you know what I'm going to order…

Cashier: I actually don't. My manager just tells me to say that.

Steven: Ok then, I'll have-

Cashier: WE ONLY SELL TACOS!

Steven: THEN I'LL HAVE A TACO!

_Steven steps backward. Amethyst steps forward._

Amethyst: Don't you have anything other than tacos?

Cashier: I don't know; people just order tacos whenever I say that to them.

_Amethyst frowns._

Amethyst: Fine. In that case, I'll have a-

Cashier: WE ONLY SELL-

Amethyst: I GET IT! I WANT A TACO, OK?!

Cashier: Ok. That'll be eight bucks.

Amethyst: Eight bucks?

Cashier: Fine, $2.50 per taco.

_An annoyed Amethyst pays the five dollars. She and Steven walk to a table and sit down. _

Amethyst: I can't believe that we've never been here before.

Steven: Neither have I; this place is pretty cool. Aside from the cashier…

Amethyst: Yeah, that cashier…

_Amethyst shape shifts into the cashier and begins mimicking him._

Amethyst: WE ONLY SELL TACOS! Huh? What's that? I CAN'T HEAR YOU; I'M SHOUTING OVER YOUR VOICE!

_Steven laughs hysterically. Amethyst shape shifts back to her regular form, and laughs with him, continuing like so until the annoying cashier places two trays on the counter and speaks up again._

Cashier: Order 87!

_Steven and Amethyst return to the counter. _

Cashier: Enjoy your meal, and thank you for dining at Taco Bell, where true gourmets go to 'Live Mas!'

_Steven and Amethyst roll their eyes at the play-on-words of Taco Bell's slogan. They take their food and return to the table. Steven takes the first bite of his taco and savors the taste of the hot juicy taco, filled with thick, pure meat, mild, tantalizing black beans, and sour, fluffy sour cream. As Steven ingests the first bite of his delectable taco, he realizes his failure to sanitize before his dinner, and as Amethyst gobbles down her meal, Steven returns to his feet and motions toward the restrooms._

Amethyst: Hey, where you going?

_Steven pauses and turns around._

Steven: Well, I haven't washed my hands yet.

Amethyst: Then you go do that, since hygiene is so important to you.

Steven: Why don't you go wash your hands?

Amethyst: Steven, you know that I'm immortal; I don't have to worry about these things.

_Steven turns around and continues walking toward the restroom._

Amethyst: Don't take too long or I might start eating your food!

_Steven laughs and enters the restroom. Outside, Amethyst finishes her taco, and is approached by a Taco Bell employee._

Amethyst: Can I help you?

_Inside the restroom, Steven marvels at the surprisingly clean room, and washes his hands at the sink. As he dries his hands, he hears the noise of a scuffle outside. Thinking that Amethyst might be in trouble, he moves towards the door, until he sees someone attempting to turn the doorknob. Seized with a strange fear, Steven ducks into a nearby stall, and the door opens._

Clerk: Stupid door! Always getting stuck…

_Steven sits on the top of the stall's toilet and stares up at the writing above. One mark in particular stands out: **Glsshu dqg Pdeho**__. It seems to be gibberish, and as Steven tries to make sense of it, he begins to hear loud coughing coming from outside. The clerk stays in this room for some time, then washes his hands and leaving, but Steven remains in the stall and continues to listen. The coughing persists, becoming increasing strained and urgent, until suddenly… there is silence. Steven emerges from the stall and finds, scribbled all over the walls: **KDOS L ELW PB GLFN RII**__. As Steven looks around at the clerk's handiwork, he hears another noise outside: the noise of something, or someone, being dragged across the floor. A shaking Steven finally emerges from the bathroom. Amethyst is not at the table anymore; she is actually nowhere to be seen. Steven walks toward his table, but the annoying cashier speaks to him once again._

Cashier: Hey, you!

_Steven turns around._

Cashier: Your friend ate your taco and felt bad about it. She paid for another taco and now she's waiting outside for you.

_Steven takes the tray back to his table, despite his confusion; why would Amethyst wait outside for him? He sits down, his mind still pondering Amethyst's strange disappearance, and eats several bites of the taco before noticing something odd- Amethyst's Gem is in the taco. While Steven is at first confused, he quickly realizes the horrific truth, for as crazy as it sounds, the smoking gun has been found: Amethyst has been turned into a taco! Steven screams and runs for the door, but a Taco Bell employee steps inside and blocks his way._

Employee: Where do you think YOU'RE going?

_Steven backs up as the clerk walks towards him. Other employees emerge from the kitchen and the lad is quickly cornered. Two of the employees grab Steven's arms and hold them against the wall. As Steven struggles with the bonds, a man in a white shirt and black pants emerges from the doors and sees the crowd. His tag indicates that he is a manager._

Manager: What is going on here?!

_The employees temporarily move their attention to the manager. He motions toward Steven._

Manager: Why is this boy being held against the wall?

_As various employees try to explain the situation, he moves over towards the partially-eaten taco and removes Amethyst's Gem. He angrily turns back towards them and holds up Amethyst's Gem._

Manager: WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?!

_The employees are silent. The manager turns towards Steven._

Manager: Well, I'm sorry you had to find out about this.

Steven: W-Why? Why did you do this?!

Manager: We don't get a lot of business around here; this is the only way we make money. Now I'm sorry, sir, but I can't trust you not to reveal this. It's time to hush you up.

_He reaches over with his right hand and grabs a taco from the table and attempts to force it into Steven's mouth. When Steven resists the attempt, two employees hold Steven's mouth open and the manager forces the taco into Steven's mouth, then crushes the shell inside. The manager removes his hand from Steven's oral cavity. Steven begins coughing loudly, choking on the taco shell bits that are now lodged in his esophagus. The employees look on as Steven's coughing becomes more urgent, more strained, over the next five minutes. His face turns blue, and he kicks wildly against the wall. After five minutes, he makes a desperate final gasp for air, and then slips into unconsciousness. The manager waits for several minutes before declaring that the deed is done. Steven's body falls to the floor, and the tired employees rest._

Manager: I want this place cleaned up right now, and make sure that NEVER happens again!

_He looks down on Steven's lifeless body._

Manager: Oh yeah, and take care of the kid, too.


	2. Epilogue: From Dust to Dinner

_In the morning, Pearl enters the Taco Bell. After Steven and Amethyst failed to return the previous night, Pearl had urgently set out to find them, and her search has brought her here._

Pearl: What is a Taco Bell doing in the middle of the woods?

_She approaches the counter, and the obnoxious cashier._

Pearl: Hello-

Cashier: WE ONLY SELL TACOS!

Pearl: I'm not interested. Did you seen two people come in here last night? One of them is purple with long, gray hair, and the other is a short, chubby lad with black hair.

Cashier: I'm afraid not. I hope you find them.

Pearl: Thank you.

_Pearl starts towards the door, and glances at a taco on the table to her right. It looks ordinary, but Pearl notices something strange. She takes a closer look, and see a horrifying sign- Steven's Gem. Pearl screams and runs out of the restaurant._

Pearl: GARNET!


End file.
